Just reminiscing ...

I pulled out some old journals last night. I've kept a journal in some shape or form since around 1986. Someday I'll transcribe a few of them online so others can get a chuckle out of what an airhead I was back then.

But this one journal I pulled out had me madly in love with this one boy. He was in a few of my classes and we were in the percussion section together as well. I really forgot how much I like him. Well, okay, not really....but I forgot the way I was around him.

I was a complete dork. I had no clue on relationships or dating or any of that when I was younger. I never even kissed a boy until college. My big daydreams were of holding hands and maybe slow dancing together. I didn't know what making out was until college.

Which was a good thing I suppose. I used to spend alot of time alone with this boy at his house. Never doing more than listening to music or talking. At one point in my journal my mom forbid me to go over there anymore and asked me if I was romantically involved with him. I got a laugh out of that. ummmm...no! (really my mom had no clue how good she had it when I was younger...my biggest vice was Rocky Horror on a Saturday night and then going to Ram's Horn or Denny's afterwards ... I never drank or smoked or went on dates or even kissed a boy ... oh! the other vice was stealing chicken and going to southland for Mrs. Field's cookies)

This boy was amazing to me in every way. He was cute, talented, down to earth. We kinda ran in different circles. No...we REALLY ran in different circles. Outside of the band thing, we really didn't have friends in common. I was such a goody-two-shoes in high school. Still under the thumb of the Jehovah's Witnesses for quite awhile. And he .... wasn't. He wasn't a troublemaker ... but he wasn't golden either.

I always say I have no regrets about the past...and I don't. Everything I have been thru has led me to the place I am right now. And I love my life right now. There are small things I would change (lose some weight...finish getting my teeth fixed) but all in all everything is absolutely perfect the way it is.

But .... sometimes ...especially after reading my journal ... I wonder if I couldn't have been a little bit different growing up. Less stuck in books and writing about how much I liked this boy and more actually doing something about it. Because as I read this journal last night, I saw not only him, but other boy opportunities slipping away from me and I was too naive to do anything about it.

I still crush on this boy. My heart does flip flops when I remember him. I prolly always will. There are a few in my past that do that to me. Someday I'll be brave enough to write down their names. (man I had crushes on everyone when I was younger) But this boy brings back the fondest memories. I really dug him and I'm kinda sorry I never did anything about it.