Before I go to sleep

A big thank you to all my friends for all your love and support thru this tough time. I know she was a cat but she was a part of my family and I miss her all the time everyday. I'm still going thru piccies and posting them on her blog to keep a place where I can go and remember her always. *huggles kikyo*

kikyo blog

I'm not too surprised either

You are a Social Moderate (56% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (23% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

First day w/o kitty

Well today was tough. Tougher than I thought it would be. I miss her so much! I know this should prolly go in my kitty blog but all my feelings the next few days are gonna be about her, which would mean this blog would be empty lol. She was such a big part of my life w/o me even knowing it. I woke up this morning and looked over @ where she usually slept...I came downstairs and slowly opened the door @ the bottom so i wouldn't hit her...I walked from the kitchen to the back bedroom and looked @ the landing by the back door to see if she's lounging there...there's a pair of kevin's shoes in the corner in the back room by the sliding doors..where kikyo used to lay...and every once inawhile I catch them out of the corner of my eye and think it's her and turn around to not see her there. I went out back today and put a flower on her grave and talked to her and told her how much I loved her and I prayed to the goddess Bast (thanks Doreen for reminding me in my grief) to watch over my kitty until such time as we could be reunited again.

I had horrid visions last night as i was drifting off to sleep. Visions of her in the ground. Visions of the looks in her eyes right before she left us. i know it was just my subconscious at work, but damn! it made it so hard to sleep. And tonight is no different. I don't wanna go to bed. It's almost 5am here and I dread closing my eyes for fear those horrid images will come into my head again.

Today was hard, but it will get easier I know. And having her in the backyard is going to help immensely.

Other than that...me and my mom went to Kevin's restaurant tonight for dinner *yum* I wish i could take everyone there it's so fabulous! We both just had the gourmet sandwiches...mom had chicken and i had steak...they are so good! We may go again next Tuesday. She told me her man problems...most of which Velisia had already told me but I didn't let her know (she knows now if she reads this...but i doubt she does) I wish she could find a good man...better still ... I wish she was secure enough in herself to not have to think she needs a man to make her life better. She's worth so much more than these men treat her. Not that anyone's abusive to her, they just don't treat her the way she should be treated...like a queen...like Kevin treats me (even tho I don't deserve it all the time...i'm such a pain to live with lol)

I have to finish closing our pool for the season. I may do that tomorrow. Or at least as much as I can.

Also have to finish cleaning the kitchen...i can't wait until we get that cabinet outta there...the kitchen is so boxy with it. I'll take a pic someday and show you.

Other than that nothing to report. Just the contemplation of death and the life we have after it, if there is one. And the avoidance of sleep at this time. *hugs*

Todays' the day

Today @ 2:30pm we have an appt. to put Kikyo down. It's going to be one of the hardest days of my life. I've pretty much been crying all day and night. I had a dream last night that she was her old self. I woke up half expecting her to be cured. But she wasn't. So i called the vet and made the appt. and now I'm just waiting. Giving her as much love as she'll let me. She lets me, then after a few minutes her dying instincts kick in and she looks at me with terror in her face and starts to back away. So I leave her for a few and come back when I see she's calmer. I'm gonna miss her with all my heart and soul.

Anyway, I ranted a bunch on my kitty blog kikyokitty.blogspot.com if you want to look. It's not going anywhere. Heaven knows I need a place to display all my kikyo piccies.