9/22/06
Feeling better
Thanks to my friends who expressed concern over how I was feeling. I am doing much better. I'm sure the weather has something to do with it (i think I'm seasonally depressed) as well as the let down from the high of the vacation in NOLA, and the fact that a year ago Tuesday the 19th was when we put my kitty Kikyo to sleep.
I knew it was coming up. I should have checked my blogs when we came home from NOLA but I didn't, so I missed the year anniversary of Kikyo's passing. I didn't realize it would hit me so hard until yesterday when I was laying downstairs in the basement trying to take a nap and all of the sudden I started thinking about Kikyo and started just crying my eyes out. no warning. just tears. And I couldn't stop myself for a good hour or so.
I miss that little pain the the ass cat so much. Especially at night when Kaguya just ignores us. Kikyo used to come jump on the bed and lay on my stomach all night. She would even do like a lumberjack move and stay on me when I would roll over to my side. I would always wake up to her face right in mine as she licked me and meowed at me to get her some food. I can't tell you the times I woke up to this:
I knew it was coming up. I should have checked my blogs when we came home from NOLA but I didn't, so I missed the year anniversary of Kikyo's passing. I didn't realize it would hit me so hard until yesterday when I was laying downstairs in the basement trying to take a nap and all of the sudden I started thinking about Kikyo and started just crying my eyes out. no warning. just tears. And I couldn't stop myself for a good hour or so.
I miss that little pain the the ass cat so much. Especially at night when Kaguya just ignores us. Kikyo used to come jump on the bed and lay on my stomach all night. She would even do like a lumberjack move and stay on me when I would roll over to my side. I would always wake up to her face right in mine as she licked me and meowed at me to get her some food. I can't tell you the times I woke up to this:
Right there in my face. It used to annoy me so much, but i never realized how good I had it with her until we got Kaguya and she basically ignores me. The only time she meows at me is when she needs food or water or wants treats. Kaguya is entirely Kevin's cat.
And Kikyo was entirely mine.
The night we met her we were walking home from the Black Sheep in Wyandotte to our apt at 20 Chestnut (i still miss that place) and this adorable little kitten came out from by the dumpster. She came right up to us meowing and of course, being the softies that we are, we ran upstairs and got some canned salmon we had in the cabinets for god knows how long and brought it down to give to her. There were signs up all over warning us not to feed stray cats (oops) so we of course ignored them. We did have enough respect tho to take the canned salmon to the park and emptied the can on the ground and the kitty practically attacked it. Our hearts we crying for this little kitten but we weren't sure if she was someone's pet or what, so kevin and I made the decision that if she came back the next night we'd take her in.
Well, she did. And we did. We opened the door and she followed us all the way into the building and then into the elevator and into our apt. So Kevin went across the street for litter and food. She was fabulous! She knew how to use the litter box. She loved the food we got her. She slept with us in the bed. Actually the first couple nights she meowed and wandered teh apt and I stayed up with her, cuddling her when she wanted it and making sure she was okay. I slept a couple nights on the couch in the living room. But after she warmed up to us she started sleeping in the bed and never left us pretty much.
She was so happy when we moved into the house. We had so many windows and so much room for her to run around in. She was in heaven. She spent most of her days in front of the sliding doors leading to the deck.
And Kikyo was entirely mine.
The night we met her we were walking home from the Black Sheep in Wyandotte to our apt at 20 Chestnut (i still miss that place) and this adorable little kitten came out from by the dumpster. She came right up to us meowing and of course, being the softies that we are, we ran upstairs and got some canned salmon we had in the cabinets for god knows how long and brought it down to give to her. There were signs up all over warning us not to feed stray cats (oops) so we of course ignored them. We did have enough respect tho to take the canned salmon to the park and emptied the can on the ground and the kitty practically attacked it. Our hearts we crying for this little kitten but we weren't sure if she was someone's pet or what, so kevin and I made the decision that if she came back the next night we'd take her in.
Well, she did. And we did. We opened the door and she followed us all the way into the building and then into the elevator and into our apt. So Kevin went across the street for litter and food. She was fabulous! She knew how to use the litter box. She loved the food we got her. She slept with us in the bed. Actually the first couple nights she meowed and wandered teh apt and I stayed up with her, cuddling her when she wanted it and making sure she was okay. I slept a couple nights on the couch in the living room. But after she warmed up to us she started sleeping in the bed and never left us pretty much.
She was so happy when we moved into the house. We had so many windows and so much room for her to run around in. She was in heaven. She spent most of her days in front of the sliding doors leading to the deck.
She still came upstairs every night to sleep with us. Always on my stomach or side. She loved jumping on my lap when we were watching TV. Yea, she was entirely my cat.
Then she started acting strange. We made the appt. to take her to the vet. It was early so Kevin went by himself. He was gone a long time. When he came back he was crying and Kikyo had stitches and was very still. She was sick. Something had made her chest fill with fluid and she couldn't breath. If we hadn't taken her in chances were she would have died and we would have never known why. Kevin had to make the executive decision to let her go or to spend the $$ for an emergency surgery and pray it helped. He opted for the surgery. All it did was relieve the pressure on her lungs by removing the fluid. It wasn't going to stop what was happening. For that they needed to do another surgery which was in the thousands of dollars...money we didn't have. We didn't have the money for the smaller surgery but we somehow found it and made it thru.
They called us a day later with her bloodwork from the fluid. She had delind leukemia. So no matter what we did she was going to die.
We tried everything. We gave her pills, we tried Vitamin C, but short of the expensive surgery there was nothing that was going to work. It just kept her alive. We had a little over a month after they drained the fluid from her chest. In that time I took lots of pics and loved her so much and we just tried to keep her happy. Eventually it was too much tho and we had to make the decision to put her to sleep. She was starting to be in pain.
The night before we took her to the vet she was so conflicted. i don't know if it was because she was in pain and knew she was dying, but she would try to be near me and then hide from us. I would pet her and she would be fine for a few minutes and then she would get this blank look in her eyes and wouldn't even know who I was. I half hoped she would pass away in the night, but she was still alive in the morning when we woke up. We took her to the vet in the early PM. We stayed in the room as they gave her the shot. She knew what was happening. Kevin had to hold her and we both told her how much we loved her and then...
Then it was all over. We wrapped her in one of Kevin's tshirts because she used to love to sleep on his clothes, and put her gently into the cardboard pet carrier we had. The vet warned us that her bowels would release anything in them in the next half hour or so, and that's what happened. It was fitting that she peed on our clothes one last time (she wasn't fixed so once a month she sprayed into any laundry that happened to be on the floor).
We took her to the backyard and buried her in a spot that got alot of sun during the day. I put a small crystal cross on top of it a few days later. We still plan on planting some kikyo flowers on it next year.
I miss her so much. I've cried about 3 times while writing this. She was a pain in my ass. She wasn't fixed so once a month she had this horrid meow and would claw and everything trying to get out. I wouldn't get any sleep trying to keep her from destroying everything. And I already mentioned that she peed on any clothes we forgot to put away and left on the floor. I did so much laundry. But when she wasn't being such a pain she would lay on my lap and let me pet her. She would fall asleep everynight on me. She was my kitty and I loved her. And I miss her.
Then she started acting strange. We made the appt. to take her to the vet. It was early so Kevin went by himself. He was gone a long time. When he came back he was crying and Kikyo had stitches and was very still. She was sick. Something had made her chest fill with fluid and she couldn't breath. If we hadn't taken her in chances were she would have died and we would have never known why. Kevin had to make the executive decision to let her go or to spend the $$ for an emergency surgery and pray it helped. He opted for the surgery. All it did was relieve the pressure on her lungs by removing the fluid. It wasn't going to stop what was happening. For that they needed to do another surgery which was in the thousands of dollars...money we didn't have. We didn't have the money for the smaller surgery but we somehow found it and made it thru.
They called us a day later with her bloodwork from the fluid. She had delind leukemia. So no matter what we did she was going to die.
We tried everything. We gave her pills, we tried Vitamin C, but short of the expensive surgery there was nothing that was going to work. It just kept her alive. We had a little over a month after they drained the fluid from her chest. In that time I took lots of pics and loved her so much and we just tried to keep her happy. Eventually it was too much tho and we had to make the decision to put her to sleep. She was starting to be in pain.
The night before we took her to the vet she was so conflicted. i don't know if it was because she was in pain and knew she was dying, but she would try to be near me and then hide from us. I would pet her and she would be fine for a few minutes and then she would get this blank look in her eyes and wouldn't even know who I was. I half hoped she would pass away in the night, but she was still alive in the morning when we woke up. We took her to the vet in the early PM. We stayed in the room as they gave her the shot. She knew what was happening. Kevin had to hold her and we both told her how much we loved her and then...
Then it was all over. We wrapped her in one of Kevin's tshirts because she used to love to sleep on his clothes, and put her gently into the cardboard pet carrier we had. The vet warned us that her bowels would release anything in them in the next half hour or so, and that's what happened. It was fitting that she peed on our clothes one last time (she wasn't fixed so once a month she sprayed into any laundry that happened to be on the floor).
We took her to the backyard and buried her in a spot that got alot of sun during the day. I put a small crystal cross on top of it a few days later. We still plan on planting some kikyo flowers on it next year.
I miss her so much. I've cried about 3 times while writing this. She was a pain in my ass. She wasn't fixed so once a month she had this horrid meow and would claw and everything trying to get out. I wouldn't get any sleep trying to keep her from destroying everything. And I already mentioned that she peed on any clothes we forgot to put away and left on the floor. I did so much laundry. But when she wasn't being such a pain she would lay on my lap and let me pet her. She would fall asleep everynight on me. She was my kitty and I loved her. And I miss her.
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