Way Back Machine

I was reading my way back machine last night again. Altho I can see what a total dork and a total selfish person i was back then, focusing on me and how i felt rather than how anyone around me felt, some of the entries do give me warm fuzzies and refresh memories that were long filed away.

Like my first kiss. For some reason I always thought my first real kiss took place at college when i was visiting as a pre-frosh (my HS senior year) and went to a party where they served alcohol. Yes i got drunk and I ended up making out with a sophomore in the foyer of the dorm entryway i was staying.

But that wasn't the case. I completely forgot about the month long "tryst" i had during the spring musical with a fellow cast member over a year earlier.

I wrote about it tho. Not the first one (that I've found) but subsequent kisses. The first one i remembered vividly after reading about the others. It took place in a dark corner of a puppet booth (part of the musical set) and it was warm and tender. As were the ones after. But we only lasted about a month. At the cast party after the final show he gave me a "farewell kiss" and we never spoke of it again (that i remember).

The funny thing is, in all my journal writings at the time, even tho i was making out with "X", i still lamented about wanting to date "Y" and liking "Z" as well. And my journal entries are signed with the last names of "Y" and "Z" tacked onto my own. Never once did i add "X"'s name to mine. Altho whenever i did write about him, i wrote what a great friend he was and how, even tho he was a jerk, he was a fantastic guy underneath all that bravado.

He actually still is. We got back in touch via facebook and chat every once in awhile. Got to see him a few months ago irl and he's just as attractive as i remembered him lol.

I mentioned this to some HS friends and they were shocked. Even the ones I was extremely close to at the time. Which leads me to believe X and I did our best to keep it a secret. Why? I don't remember. maybe cuz we didn't want outside influences. Maybe cuz we both liked other people even tho we were definitely attracted to each other. I really couldn't tell you. (altho that 2nd reason seems very plausible)

There are many other things that give me warm fuzzies when reading my way back machine. Like the friendships I completely forgot were so damn close. Or the compliments people gave me on things i did. But this one, my first kiss and I guess secret boyfriend. this one is prolly the fuzziest. lol


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