dieting

Now, I don't normally "diet". When I was younger, I had an eating disorder. Well, multiple eating disorders. I fluctuated btwn anorexia and bulimia  I was never skinny enough and I would either just not eat or eat and purge. Sometimes I even just chewed food to get the taste of it and then spit it out. And at one point in my life i lived for weeks on jello and chicken bouillon.





So I don't diet. Which also means I haven't really taken responsibility for what has been going into my body over the past billion years, and so now I am overweight. (if the scale at Walmart is correct, I'm morbidly obese).

For awhile, I didn't really need to diet. I had gained weight, sure, but I was pretty active and i worked outside the home (which leads to inadvertent exercise daily). But once I became a "housewife" I kinda lost myself and my identity and my care for myself i guess. Cuz in the 12 years since I've met my husband, I went from a size 14 to a size 18/20.

I'm fat.

I've been trying to walk daily as exercise, but I'm suffering pain in my achilles tendon area, which is making me not as faithful to it as i would like to be. So, I've finally decided to supplement the (occasional) exercise with a diet. I'm trying a low carb paleo type diet right now. I'm on day 4. So far it's been fairly easy for me. I'm not super picky when it comes to food and I eat crazy combos anyway. The first 3 days I had cheeseburgers (no bun) with sauteed veggies for dinner and snacked mostly on eggs or salad (no dressing cuz we don't have any in house) and my only slip was coffee with sugar (cuz i don't like black coffee). Today/yesterday (i haven't been to sleep yet, so it's still Saturday by my clock) I ate a whole bag of salad, some eggs, buttered coffee (which i am not sure i like yet) and had mango and cottage cheese for dinner. Yes, the dinner menu isn't typically "paleo" but the diet I'm following said low fat cottage cheese and some fruit is acceptable.

And I was fine.

But now, I'm craving bread like a crazy woman!!! Seriously I want to open up the loaf in the kitchen and slather it with peanut butter and eat it all!!!!

I'm sure these cravings with go away, but right now all i can think about is bread. And how yummy the garlic breadsticks we (also) have would be microwaved with some melted cheese on top!!!

I know I'm gonna slip at times. The state of mind then becomes not about the slip, but about getting back up and going for it. Plus the diet I'm eventually gonna follow wholeheartedly allows for slips and carbs.You just have to adjust your eating and exercise if that happens.

So, I'm on a diet. And I'm hoping it helps. And I'll keep you updated on my progress (or lack of) when i think about it. I don't want to be someone who continually talks about their diet, but I also know I'm gonna have nights like tonight when no one is around and I'll need to talk about it to someone or I'll end up making a triple decker super cheesy grilled cheese with extra bread on the side.

xox