Hubby's mom passed away on April 18th. I want to thank everyone who took the time to send us their sympathies through texts, phone calls, messages on myspace, FB, twitter etc. and also for those that sent flowers and took time to come up to the funeral home. It helped immensely. i can never express how much it meant.
It's been an emotional roller coaster since she passed. As many of you know, we've had major issues with the family for awhile now. But i can honestly say that many issues were put aside to get things done during this time. Unfortunately it didn't extend to MIL's sister, their Aunt Sue. We were told if she showed up at the funeral home she would be "jumped" - which pissed me the fuck off - but hubby had to choose between keeping peace and possibly bringing his godmother into and extremely volatile situation. And in the end he chose to call her and give her the details but ask that she didn't show up there. He didn't explain exactly why, but she understood. (It still makes my blood boil that they did that - but whatever)
there were small issues during the whole time, like the other wives treating me like I didn't know anything about their family or issues (i.e. Aunt Sue among other things) when they've only been in the family slightly longer than me, and the youngest brother didn't make any time to help with decisions (like what flowers to have at the funeral) and pretty much avoided us at all costs until Tuesday at the funeral home. But we waded through and came out okay.
I was very proud of all of them on Tuesday at the funeral home. the hardest part was right before the baptist preacher gave his sermon (which is a whole other blog in and of itself) they played that song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven"
One day shy of eight years old,
When grandma passed away.
I was a broken hearted little boy,
Blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried when the sky let go,
With a cold lonesome rain.
My mom smiled, said: "Don't be sad child.
"Grandma's watching you today."
"'Cos there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes if you're lonely,
"Just remember she can see.
"There's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And she's watching over you and me."
Seasons come and seasons go,
Nothing stays the same.
I grew up, fell in love,
Met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a life,
In this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together,
Lord, I sure do miss her now.
But there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how I know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.
Well my little girl is 23,
I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,
To see her lovely smile.
They throw the rice, I catch her eye,
As the rain starts coming down.
She takes my hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,
'Cos I know Mama's watching now."
"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
"I just remember she can see.
"Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And she's watching over you and me."
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me.
and there I was sitting right next to the oldest grandson, who was 8 years old, and just lost his grandma. I couldn't stop crying. And at the end of the night watching all the boys (grandsons and sons) saying goodbye to MIL - well i broke down then.
Since then things have started to get slightly ugly. The other 2 brothers are starting to argue over "mom's things" and of course the youngest one is feeling the pinch since their mom was giving them almost $1500/month while she was living there to help with expenses and stuff. And in the past couple days the oldest grandson has started acting out - most recently by avoiding school. Friday morning when he got off the bus at school, instead of going in he turned around and tried walking back home (at least we think so) and today when his mom dropped him off at the bus stop he didn't even get on the bus. As soon as she was out of sight he wandered off. They found him a couple hours later and took him back to school. At lunchtime they allowed him to go out for recess (which i don't understand) and he escaped again. They found him at the neighbor's house, playing on the neighbor's swing set.
I spoke to his mom earlier and she said they're taking him to a counselor tomorrow (plus he has a grief counselor he's been talking to at school too i guess) and she wants to try and get him medication to help him through this time. I don't know about that, but i think a counselor is an amazingly good idea.
yesterday was his bday party, so we went over (and no family drama ensued thank the gods) and took him to the movie theatre last night (Monsters Vs. Aliens) Usually he's extremely talkative when he's alone with us. yesterday he was extremely quiet and somber once we were alone in the car and he was distracted and fidgety through the entire movie. Before we left I programmed my cell phone number into his cell phone (yes - he's 9 and has a cell phone - another issue imho) and told him to call me whenever.
He called me this afternoon right after i got off the phone with his mom and we talked for about 5 minutes. He told me that he's not having any issues with bullies or anything at school, he's just having a hard time since grandma died. (He just called me again to ask me why his grandpa isn't answering his phone. I guess he's been trying to call him all day. I couldn't tell him the truth - that grandpa doesn't like it when he gets 50 phone calls a day from his grandson) I'm gonna give him a call in about an hour or so to see how he's doing.
I don't know how to help him other than to just be there for him when he calls. I love that little boy so much. I love them all so much. I didn't realize how much i missed them all until this past week.
(side note - one of the nephews came up to me at the party yesterday and told me "I really missed you Aunt Jazmyn" it absolutely melted my heart.)
(another side note - I'm gonna have to give all these boys and their parents aliases I think. and include a key when i talk about them lol)
so that's part of what's going on with us. My heart is breaking for that little boy. If anyone has advice please feel free to share it
xoxoxox
