These are the Viruses I watch for:

Ellen Degeneres virus.....
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Monica Lewinsky virus......
Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Titanic virus.......
...Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus.......
..........Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson virus....
.........Quits after one byte.

Prozac virus.......
......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Lorena Bobbit virus....
......Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Woody Allen
....By-passes the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

Joey Buttafuoco virus....
....Only attacks minor files.

Spice Girl virus.......
......Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Ronald Reagan virus.....
.....Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Dr. Kevorkian virus..
...Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Oprah Winfrey virus......
....Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

AT&T virus......
......Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus.....
.......Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus....
....Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Viagra virus..
.....Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

Then there is the Clinton PC. Virus
It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.